how to be a writer

Part 1

GETTING STARTED: what you will need.

SOMEWHERE TO WRITE.

Somewhere quiet, comfortable and clean. So, obviously not your place. If you have a friend with a nice house who is away, preferably in prison for something terrible, that's ideal. Break into their home and make it your own. They'll understand, they're a criminal. Actually, having friends is a sign that you may not be a serious writer. Don't worry, you'll soon lose them. Remember the writer's creed: "There are no strangers, only friends you haven't alienated yet."

Many writers like to work at a desk near a window. But don't look out of the window in the morning, or you'll have nothing to do in the afternoon.

CROC - Recycle the Oscars!

Join CROC, the Challenge to Recycle the Oscar Campaign. The plan is to limit the number of Oscars in circulation. If a previous award-winner makes a really atrocious film, they have to give their Oscar back. They do it with Michelin stars, so why not with Hollywood stars? This scheme not only endorses eco-friendly practice, it will also discourage stars, directors and writers from making terrible movies. And it's a good way to start arguments and insult people while pretending to discuss culture. Suggestions? All categories included; who should give their award back, and why?